Organic Art...

So, a few weeks ago my youngest daughter and I were in Palo Alto, CA and found this fantastic piece of art. It was built by Patrick Dougherty and he's done TONS of other cool stuff.

It's an amazing piece of public art, and my youngest and I spent an hour or so running back and forth through this thing... laughing and screaming in surprise... it was wonderful. What a gift... and how cool is this anyway??? I'd die to have one of his sculptures in my back yard!


It's like a big playhouse that adults can play in too... and I'm all for the realization of childhood dreams in adulthood.

Praying

I just spent the last two hours on the computer looking for prayer cards for children. Just to save you a couple of hours... there aren't any.

Awhile back I bought a Buddhist Prayer Deck for my seven year old... I know... what was I thinking??? I guess I thought there could be some beautiful simple prayers mixed in... but really there aren't... not simple ones. She has repeatedly tried to teach herself how to pray, but doesn't know what to do. I've tried some instruction, but she gets frustrated quickly if it seems that I'm trying to "teach" her... and she shoves me away. I can respect that... I think it feels like the prayer that she wants to do is being minimized with the idea that it can be taught... and yet... I feel like she wants something she doesn't have in her life.

So, I pored over other possibilities... like affirmation decks (I bought one for teens... when it gets here we'll see how much of it I am willing to turn over to her)... and I ultimately decided that I'm going to have to make one for her. I bought some pagan prayer books (I already have one that I love), and I figure that I'll write some for her. Maybe I'll have them ready for Yule! ;)

Giant hurdle #1... learn a little bit about PhotoShop... grrr.... despite having to learn a new program, I AM trying to keep it simple. I want them to look like cards in the sense that I want them to have a front and back, I want them to be attractive (but all the backs will be the same) and the prayer will have a "wallpaper"-like background... though I think I'm going to try to make those all different so that it will be interesting... probably nature scenes mostly.

Wish me luck! Although, if I do learn PhotoShop then maybe I will finally illustrate my book of children's wand spells (we bought the kids wands one year at the Renaissance Faire and there was some discussion of how to use one and what kind of things to use it for... so I wrote up a "manual") and self-publish it. Hmmm... this may turn out to be good for me after all!

Dreaming

Anyone else having a lot of dreams since the solstice? I've been dreaming all kinds of stuff, some new, some old recurring dreams. All seem to have messages in them... about who I am, what my personal characteristics are, and situations that play out in integrity. It's been amazing to watch this unconscious life evolve lately... I hadn't dreamed reliably in years... well, since the kids were born. Honestly, I didn't get much sleep for the first few years the each of my kids were here... which really calculates out to almost 5 years without all-night bouts of sleep. I've been kinda worn out.

But, back to the topic of dreaming. Last night I had a dream that is, in its basic form, a recurring dream, although the details of the dream often change. It's a dream where I'm in an airport... trying to catch a flight. The planes are often different... and the origination and destination are often different... or sometimes I don't even know that part... but it's the classic dream of angst about being on time or finding my way around. Some people dream about school this way, or work, or they've transformed it into their very own story. Anyway, last night my dream ended with me missing my flight... which is very odd... I almost always end up getting there, and somehow I knew this dream was a culmination of a few events... stick with me for a second while I tie some seemingly unrelated things together.

I woke up, with some kind of odd knowing... that something that I had been holding on to, something that was no longer serving me, had been released. I do a lot of work with the Chinese meridian system, and the clarity was in the Gall Bladder/Liver pair of meridians. These are the "wood" meridians... which are associated with creativity, the ability to see (both physically and intuitively), and the emotion of anger (commonly held in the liver meridian).

Now, rewind to the day before the dream: I've been reading a book called Plant Spirit Healing by Pam Montgomery... and I had JUST read this passage about the Wood Element in Chinese medicine. I had identified strongly with the Wood Element in this framework, and felt that the imbalances in that element had been strong in my life. They were the issues that led me to growth, and to identifying with who I really am. In summarizing the Wood Element Pam Montgomery says that the key to the element is to be flexible and to "go with the flow". Damn... now that phrase "go with the flow" has come up for me over several years, in many places, and out of the mouths of many people. I wonder if that will shift for me now.

Reading this Plant Spirit Healing Book had me thinking about plants I feel connected to. I decided (yesterday) that I was going to try to form stronger relationships with some of the plants in my yard... some I've planted, some are relentless "weeds", and then there are some plants that just don't seem like they are willing to grow here, no matter what I do. But, I digress. Yesterday I laid down under my favorite tree in my yard. It's a Liriodendron tulipifera, or a tulip tree, and is quite beautiful. Its leaves look like little birds and they dance in the breeze. I was hanging out with this tree, trying to deepen our relationship, because me and this tree have some history, but I'll save that for another post. Initially, when I put a leaf on my cheek, I got a strong vision of a geometric pattern... like through a kaleidoscope. Unfortunately, I didn't get far with this exploration because the kids were hungry and life in general got in the way. But I don't think it's a coincidence that I had the dream following this initial connection.

The dream (where I go with the flow, but am ultimately thwarted at getting to my destination... thus a block), the book (the Wood Element and the Gall Bladder and Liver meridians), and the tree (where maybe more happened than I had understood)... seem to create a triad of symbols that indicate to me that something important is happening... and after this SUPER long story, I was wondering if it was happening to anyone else?

Fairy gifts...

Over the winter I planted a few cool-weather veggies and sowed some seeds into my garden boxes... mostly flowers... just hoping for something to fill the box. We have mild winters, in fact, Feb-May is sort of the natural growing season here. Then the rains stop and things get dry.

(As planted in November)

Anyway, the plants were decimated by snails/slugs/whatever and none of the flower seeds sprouted... although some mysterious plants grew in one box. I thought they looked like potatoes... but couldn't imagine how that would happen... although, maybe I put some compost in there? I just don't remember... but somewhere around April I realized that they actually were potatoes... and I started tending them!

But, I went out yesterday to find that the snails were after them again... so I thought it was probably time to harvest them...

And... there they were! Little golden orbs of food, given as a gift, something I did very little to support. I giggled as I dug in the dirt with my hands... pulling out these magical little treasures! I so love gardening.

In my mind I could hear the fairies laughing with me. I knew that these were gifts for us. I felt so amazingly light and happy... I felt connected and blessed and full of gratitude.

The kids and I left offerings to the fairies last night... I hope they had a party to celebrate!

Candles

I don't know about ya'll but my family can use some coming together. I think it's some uncertainty as school ends (my kids are in 1st grade and preschool)... and for the 7-year-old the trial-and-error process of trying on new personas and figuring out who she is. These things come together to make us feel like we're going in a million directions, and we lose our harmony.

As I've become somewhat re-inspired to do more magic... I thought that a spell for familial harmony was in order. I chose colors of candles for each of us, and one in the middle to represent family. I put an spiral of ribbon (yellow because *I* associate it with balance... and there's that 2011 New Year's word again...). The small individual candles are intended to "feed" the taller family candle with those things that each of us bring to make our family what it is. With balance and harmony we will uplift ourselves, each other, and our family unit to be united for our common good.


I was very careful when choosing the words for my spell NOT to make this a binding. The intention was VERY clearly to allow the individuals to be individuals that contributed some energy of themselves to the family group in order for the family to function in its highest well-being.

It didn't make us all get along beautifully, or anything, but I do think that it reduced a little tension about the partitioning that was going on... "I don't have to clean that up, I didn't get it out"... or "but that's not mine". We've been talking a lot about chores in a context of caring for our objects and cooperating as a family so that our house runs smoothly. Sometimes they seem to understand, and sometimes they don't!

Unfortunately for me, their favorite way to help is actually to "help" me cook... which I like the idea of... but it's not really helping... which you know all about if you have or have had small children in the kitchen.

Resurgence

Today has driven me to my books... I mean... it's perfect book weather. Don't get me started about how it's June though... and the kids get out for SUMMER VACATION next week... *sigh*...

It's not just raining... it's stormy... windy...


Anyway, I went back to my shelf of magic books... and coincidentally we had a picnic on the living room floor in front of a fire...

...and I started thinking about candle magic. It's never really fit for me before... I didn't feel connected to the idea. But now... I don't know... maybe it's the dark and wet days... but I think I'm feeling it.

I have two books on candle magic, Raymond Buckland's Practical Candleburning Rituals, and Patricia Telesco's Mastering Candle Magick. I think I prefer the latter, but I'll let you know as soon as I get a chance to really look through the books. I've lit candles and made a few oils for my oil burners... I'll share those next time too. The kiddos are needing some attention... wanting to make paint butterflies. I guess they're dreaming of summer too!

Some random notes...

I feel silly, in a way, apologizing for being gone for so long... as if you've been waiting for me to reappear. And yet, I am sorry. I've met a few people through this blog, that I really enjoy keeping up with... and though I've been reading blogs, I haven't been keeping up with my own. And it's not for a lack of keeping up with my own spirituality.

I've been going to the meditation hour at the local Vipassana Center. It's been good for me, although, to be completely honest, I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do during that hour. Sometimes, I've actually found, that just sitting there is the best thing. For an hour. Sitting. Quietly. Just being. Doing nothing. It's awesome! :) Maybe that's just because I have two small children... and quiet time is like a precious diamond!

I'm feeling some guilt over letting the pagan holidays pass me by. I didn't even acknowledge Beltane, though it's probably one of my favorite of the holidays. Unfortunately it falls in a horribly busy time of year, and so, the density of writing on my calendar seems to decide whether or not I make the effort. This year I did not.

Since I was raised a Catholic and am good at turning things in on myself, I feel some guilt for not maintaining some kind of dedication to my practice of Paganism. On the other hand, I'm extremely dedicated to the doctrine (inward practice)... though not so much to the holidays (outward practice). Does that mean I'm failing in some way at my spirituality. Sometimes I can let it go, other times I do feel like I'm failing. I guess that's why I didn't show up here for so long... I just wasn't doing my rituals, observing my feasts, and "looking" pagan. I had very little to share as it's all going on inside me... without much ado on my part.

While I feel like things are moving at lightning speed inside of me, I also feel like I have very little control over it. Do any of you feel that way too? That the energy shifts constantly, causing responses in you, but without your direct participation??? I've felt a shift to very calm, hyper-aware of others and their motivations, and watching things spin around me with little emotion about it... and yet, I'm not sure where this is going, or what I'm supposed to be doing. Sigh. I know... I just don't make sense anymore.