Recognition

Thanks to those of you who commented on my last post, sharing your own perspective on how you incorporate your solitary pagan ways into family events... and into everyday teaching of your children (or how your parents did for you).

Though I haven't taught my kids about any particular symbolism or anything, I've noticed a few things in the kids' art lately that inspires me to just keep doing spirituality as an every day occurrence.  This is the only picture I have at hand in this moment... but this isn't the first piece of art to come home.  There's a picture around here labeled "Mother Moon"... but I can't find it.  I'm not sure what this means, if anything.  At least these are familiar and ancient symbols.  Maybe the rest will come later.

I do know that my kids are good at noticing when life is really good.  One day, my five-year-old was sitting in the breezeway between our garage and the house, eating an apple just off the tree, as the late afternoon breeze blew... and she made a comment about how great the moment was.  That's spirituality too... and I had forgotten that until you all reminded me.

The bottom line is that I've noticed how much spirituality is in our everyday lives... so that it isn't something you can point at... a time or place when we do something in particular... but it's every moment.  And that feels good to me... to acknowledge that our spirituality is not different than the "rest" of our lives.

So, the art, and the recognition of beautiful moments gives me hope that even if I can't point to the "church" we go to, that at least I can see that we live in it through each moment that we are connected to ourselves and nature and each other.  And all feels well... for me... right now... *sigh*

Organization... or lack thereof...

I've struggled for 40 years (well... for part of that) to find my own place in the world. I have been to more types of churches than most people could come up with names for (but apparently I didn't spend enough time in English class... yikes!). Anyway, all of this searching (and probably a good dose of introvert) eventually led me to being a solitary pagan.

My 7-year-old daughter has started asking me about church. Hmm. Clearly I can't dump on her all of my church baggage... so I opted to try to find something that I could swallow. Now, no offense to church-goers... everyone has a different sense of feeling comfortable... but I, personally, just am not sure what to do here. Obviously, 7yo is asking for some structured spirituality, but I've got none to offer. I can't even structure my own expressions of spirituality... which often seem to come and go with how much time I think I have. I have no dedication... at least not to ritual... and certainly not anything I'm prepared to share with anyone else.

We tried the local Unity church... which just feels like a couple of people gathering until they think the other 10 people are going to quit showing up... and they had no real children's group to speak of. I thought of trying the Calling-All-People-Spiritual-Center type facility... but I hear they're a small group too. I can't go back to Catholicism... I left for some damned good reasons that I'm not ever going to swallow to make a come-back. And I just don't know what to do. Honestly, I think I just have a problem with the "organized" part of organized religion. Which, if you look at my own practice, I seem to also have a problem with the "organized" part of un-organized solitary paganism. Sigh.

How do ya'll organize yourselves and keep yourselves on track? How do you let your family know that the Equinox (or whatever) is a special day in between carpools, homework, piano lessons and whatever else? How do you decide to follow through when your spirituality is roaming around a hundred different stories and deities and facets? How do you stick to something that becomes a ritual?

I teach my kids my values, and hope that it means something later... but right now... I just don't know how to teach my kids the nature of spirituality... especially since I'm still trying to put the pieces together myself.

Getting settled...

Whew... I think we're finally settled into school a bit. It's taken quite awhile to work out all the mundane aspects of school... carpools, extra-curricular activities, play time, and down time for mama. Sheesh.

Anyway, in the down time that I've carved out for myself I've managed to drum up more stuff to do! I've worked on figuring out a good season wheel for my area, and I determined which holidays I felt connected with enough to keep up with. I think I actually have a do-able calendar for myself. I won't bore you with the details... but I am feeling good about being able to incorporate my pagan values into a cycle that makes sense for me and my family. That said, my first attempt was at the equinox... and though we made the bread and soup, said the appropriate harvest thanks... the social aspect of the meal was less than ideal. I need to figure out a good social context (even if it's just the immediate family) that fits with the tangible stuff. That shouldn't be hard... it'll just take time to sit down and do it.

I've also been pretty clearly hearing a call to Hecate. I know that she's considered a dark goddess... and there are warnings about not taking her lightly. I guess what I'm feeling a connection with is the earthy and humble part of her. She doesn't seem flashy to me (although I think that people have tried to portray her that way... a bit dark and devilish). She's all about being present as tough times unfold... she's about crossroads, changes in life, big events like birth and death... but she's understood to carry a torch in the darkness... to be wise in the face of the unknown... steady and earthy and present. I like that, although she did persist for some time in the Greek mythology... her roots go waaayyy back... and you can feel that about her. I've read some, but already I'm getting the feeling that it's a relationship we have to build, not one that you can read about and absorb somehow.

I've also been thinking about gods and goddesses and who they are to me. I know that some people have extremely close relationships with deities that almost seem like the god or goddess is another 'person'... some neighbor or teacher. I don't know that I have that. I've not had many dieties that I felt close to... Hestia, and maybe Ogmios, being the only others that I've felt any attraction to. I still don't see them as 'people'... but more as archetypes. An my relationship with them seems to be more with exploring that archetype in my own life. Is that something you can even call a relationship with a deity?

Anyway, with the kids in school I might not have a lot more answers. But I do have more time that I've used to contemplate my questions, and I do think it will get me somewhere eventually.

New friends...

So, I'm settling in to the idea that my kids go to school. They're insanely happy and doing extremely well. I guess I have to stop wanting them to stay home and keep me company. I gotta find something to do. Well, as it turns out... I'm making good friends with the tarot deck I bought on a whim over the summer. It's the Sun and Moon Tarot by Vanessa Decort.

I think it's just because I LOVE the pictures... so simple and elegant... and definitely modern.


Each of the minor arcana have their own feel... corresponding to their element.

And though they're simple, it feels to me that most of the time I can get to the gist of what the card is about.

I think that maybe when you are starting out with tarot... too much symbolism isn't helpful... it just detracts from the message. I guess what I'm saying is, that I'm a beginner at tarot, and it's possible that these simple pictures speak to me because they're simple too.

Or maybe I'm just a sucker for the color palette... ahhh...

I'm choosing a card each day, and trying to find the vibration of that card in events as I move through my life... trying to get in touch with each card's energy.

I also did a quick online basics course by Joan Bunning that was helpful. I never really understood the Celtic Cross spread before, and now it makes tons more sense and I even like it!

I also bought a book that I'm just starting called Tarot for Your Self by Mary Greer, that I believe is a staple in learning to do tarot work. I like the book because I appreciate the card meanings in the back... as the drawback to the Sun and Moon deck is that it just comes with a little pamphlet of meanings... which I find to be nearly useless. The other drawback to the deck that you may have noticed, is that the pip cards all have words at the top. I suspect that the intention was to help you out with the meaning... but I don't agree with some of them... and that just makes the cards harder to read, rather than easier.

All in all I'm loving the deck... and finding that it is very helpful when I need some insight in order to stop a cycle of behavior. I finally have a connection with a deck that I had so longed for. YAY!

Back to school...

Oh goodness... it's time to go back to school next week. I'm not excited. I'd prefer to have the kids with me... to go do all the fun things that were on my list for summer that we did not get around to doing. Sigh. Besides. I'm just not much of a morning person.

It's just starting to get warm in my neck of the woods... summer is always foggy and cool. And this year has been more than most. For goodness sake... I haven't even harvested a ripe tomato yet.
I bring this up here because I have to admit that I'm just not feeling the harvest festival cycle that started on August 1st. Honestly, I'm thinking I might have to rearrange the sabbats so that they make sense to me. I don't suppose anyone would notice (as I'm a solitary... and I don't do rituals all that much anyway). But somehow it seems dishonest... as the wheel of the year is supposed to be the one thing that unites pagans... right? If I give that up it feels like I'm just a lone person on my own anyway... so what's the point.

(Isn't this beautiful though? Makes me want to redouble my efforts to fit into the pagan wheel of the year...
I found this at evolvefish.com if you're interested in a sticker version of it)

I suppose I could commit myself to the lunar cycles... as that's more my calling anyway... but ignoring the seasons seems unfair even to me. I just don't know... I think it's going to take some real thinking... figuring out what's important to me, what kind of yearly rituals I want to have, which ones will strike enough of a chord with me that I'll follow through. The way things are right now I just feel guilty for missing those sabbats as they pass me by.

(I actually like this graphic too... the author says he or she uses it as a baseline to add more symbols...
and I liked the designs on his/her flickr page...)

So... I guess I really wish I had another month of summer left... to play with the kidlets and just be mellow. But here we are... and it's time for me to exercise that old addage that constantly comes my way: Go with the flow!

My new creative passion...

So, awhile back I told you that I was trying to find ways for my 7-year-old to pray because she's been asking for some guidance. I thought that besides the kneeling-at-the-edge-of-your-bed kind of prayer I'd find some alternatives.

As I was searching around the internet I found a book on prayer beads. I decided that I'd take beads and the book with us on vacation... and if we needed to do a quiet activity for awhile we could work on prayer beads. I have to say, that with this book the prayer was pretty much in the making of the bead... rather than counting prayers on something like a rosary.

This is the one I made for a friend...
It's a hand-held size... like 10 inches long or so.

And this one was for my 5-year-old... she chose the primary beads she wanted, and I made them for her. She went for a simple look... as fits her personality.

And she requested the pendant be made... just-like-that...

I have started a strand for myself that looks a bit different... more blue and green. I have also started one for my 7-year-old... but we needed to go buy a few bits-and-pieces before we could finish hers up. I'll post pictures as soon as we do.

I've spent so much money on beads (this is a bit of an obsession now... I'd say)... I will have to start giving them as gifts. I'm also looking into making some prayer beads that are more prayer placeholders... like the 108 bead mala prayer sets or catholic rosary beads... rather than just a set of beads that contain a prayer of mine.

Fairy gardens

The girls and I have been making fairy gardens... inspired by the gardens submitted to The Magic Onions. I don't know if we'll submit anything or not... but it was fun to look through some of the entries. And... it was inspiring. We went and bought some plants, and gathered up many rocks/shells/sticks/other stuff that we've had laying around for eons... just waiting for a project!

We made them in hanging baskets (which are probably a little small... but I wanted us to be able to complete them quickly. Later we might be able to take on larger fairy gardens... but I wanted this to be a satisfying first go at it.

This one belongs to the 5-year-old... she was so proud of her work. She kept adding things, then taking them away. Finally deciding that the fairies needed small sticks for a fire, and a shell full of water for washing up.

And this one was made by the 7-year-old. She went for more plants and less "stuff"... and it turned out beautiful also!

I even did one. It was so fun to play like that! I love the gardens... and I hope we'll get to do that again... it really does make you feel closer to something when you put yourself in their shoes... trying to figure out what they need. Lesson for my life with my children??? You betcha.

Oh... and this is random... but I wanted to show you the doll we made for the 5-year-old's preschool teacher. It is an 'ocean fairy'. I like it, but somehow it still seems that something is missing... I just haven't put my finger on it yet. Can you see what's missing?