Solstice ritual

So, I have begun planning my solstice/new moon anger transformation ritual.  I've invited four other people... so it's a small group.

Right now the plan is to make the releasing bundles at my house... then go out to the beach to build a bonfire (which I imagine is going to be really really cold!).  We'll do the ritual, then head back to my house for some tea and a snack before we disperse back to our lives.

The ritual involves acknowledging the pain that initiated the anger.  Little pieces of paper stating the pains are part of the releasing bundles that we'll make before going to the beach for the bonfire.  We will drum to raise the energy to be transformed.  At the peak of the energy we'll throw the releasing bundles into the fire for transformation.  This will be done by acknowledging the unexpected gifts we received from the situation... probably things like "knowing myself more fully", "gaining my strength", "clarity about the relationship", etc.  At the end I want to state the intention for the new space without the anger.  What do I want to nurture in the coming year in myself?  I hope to do each of these steps with people feeling able to just speak out as they are moved... without needing to be overly organized.

I've never created and held any kind of ritual with other people.  I'm a bit nervous about including others, but it seemed so clear I didn't want to do this by myself... like it was anti-climactic or something.  I've reached out, and I was very careful about who I reached out to... so that it was people I felt comfortable with... and people that I knew I could let be co-creative with me.

So, there we are... I've evolved to a place where I'm inviting people into my spirituality and self-growth.  Wow... I feel like I've come a long way... which reminds me of one of my favorite songs if you care to take a listen... Come A Long Way by Michelle Shocked.

Anger Transformation Ritual

Well... I have a date for my ritual... it's been building for awhile... all the talk of Hecate and such... and I'm going to do it on December 22, the shortest day of the year.  There is promise in the returning light, and I can leave behind what does not serve me as I move forward on my path.

Pixie Campbell is organizing a Mother of All Releasings Ceremony for that dark night... and I'm going to participate.  In fact, this is exactly the kind of thing I needed.  I think I may add to my ceremony making the Releasing Bundle... even though I have most of my ceremony written out.  I have many of my ritual elements figured out... but part of my hesitation was trying to decide if I should have people with me or if I should do it alone.  Now I get both!

This fury that I carry is very personal, very deep, and very sensitive.  In that sense I wanted to do this ritual alone.  And yet, there's power in the resonance of people doing the same thing at the same time... and I want this to be a powerful experience.  This is a transformation of dark energy that I've used to define myself.  I want to carry this no longer.  I have a much better way ahead.  So, this is huge, but it's also sensitive and private... so I'm glad to have "stumbled upon" this larger ceremony going on.

If you have anything you'd like to transform at the solstice the group is still gathering.  Just check out Pixie's blog for details.

The winds of change are (literally) blowing here... I've been watching the wind strip the last of the leaves off of my birch trees... and I feel like it's doing the same to me.  I'm being cleansed down to my core... my essence... getting ready for this ritual.  I will transform all that does not serve me, all that has become a habit to carry... I am going to step into my Self.

Following Hecate's lead...

I spent a whole lot of time after my surgery and around Samhain reading and thinking about dark goddesses.  I mentioned awhile back that I am feeling Hecate in my life... taking me to examine things that have been dormant for a long time... and are now just baggage that is holding me back.  This isn't an easy journey... but I've embraced it... how else can I move forward?  Besides, even though I have the option not to look, it really is feeling like there is no other good choice for me, other than to meet Hecate at the crossroads and see what she shows me.  Oddly... I live at a crossroads... at a "T"... such that there are three streets.  Interesting placement, eh?

My favorite interpretation of Hecate - by Thalia Took

So, as I've been investigating these feelings that are suppressed... I'm finding that I have a lot of unacknowledged anger in my world.  In fact, I'd go so far as to say that it's fury.  This awareness has sure brought cohesiveness to a lot of the symbolism that's come into my world lately.  I am being initiated into a shamanic healing awareness called Munay-Ki, and when you begin your process you get a stone... and I've always thought mine was ugly.  In the spring I mentioned that I thought my stone was ugly to a friend... who said she thought she knew what that meant.  I thought about it... and realized that I did too.  It was time to look at things I didn't really want to look at... the ugly stuff... which is what brought Hecate into my life... the one who would lead me to see the "ugliness" in myself.

Now... I'm realizing that what Hecate wants me to see first is anger.  I don't think I know too many people who were taught how to deal with anger.  Mostly, we're taught to suppress it... especially women... because we're supposed to be "nice", and it isn't comfortable for most people to deal with anger.  Usually, when a woman expresses anger she's shunned and referred to as a "bitch".  We're not encouraged to express our truths and wield our power.

So, I'm working on a ritual to address and transform anger.  I've got a few ideas... but I'm still working on the details... I'll post more about it when I've made some progress...

Happy Samhain!

 Oh yes... it is starting to look like fall...

Which... here... can only mean one thing... All Hallow's Eve is nearly upon us!

....Who goes there???...

Trespassing is not taken lightly...

If you come to seek the witch... but do not ask permission to travel... you may become a permanent resident... aaahhhaaahaaaa....

Wait here... I'll see if she's willing to speak to you...

What are these,
So withered, and so wild in their attire,
That look not like th' inhabitants o' the earth,
And yet are on 't?
(MacBeth)

By the pricking of my thumbs,
Something wicked this way comes....
 (MacBeth)


Heeeheeeheeeheeehee......

All is well

I made it through.  Honestly, I think all of the anticipation is worse than the actual recovery.  Tomorrow we do a wound check to make sure I'm healing well... and then I can start moving around a bit more.  So, until then... thanks to those who sent well wishes...

Plans

I'm making plans.  Seems it's time to do a surgery that I knew was coming... I have to replace my pacemaker battery.  It's not THAT big of a deal... it's outpatient, and I'll recover quickly (I've done this surgery once before... and it's not nearly as bad as the placement surgery).  So, I'm getting chores taken care of so that I can rest easily in the days that follow the procedure... I have a tendency to get bored and try to do stuff. 

So, I'm stacking books, tarot cards, and paper and pens by my bed.  I've cleaned my room and done the laundry and organized carpools and meals.  The last thing left is to organize myself.  It's hard for me to face the surgery... mostly because of the traumas that resurface about the original pacemaker placement.  I was 21 and terrified.  It did not go smoothly.  I spent my Christmas vacation from my junior year of college in Cardiac ICU.  It was awful... and I remember it vividly.

But I'm not really sure what to do for myself.  I can't carry any talismans or anything into surgery, so I'm limited in what I can do for something tangible.  Whatever I do has to be an internal state of readiness and "go with the flow".  And yet, I feel resistance. 

I've done some things... I've arranged to hang out with a friend in the "cosmic waiting room" during the procedure.  I've consulted my tarot cards about anything I need to do before surgery... but it's not clear to me what they're saying... so I'm a little lost there.  I'm not getting Strength and King of Swords to tell me to just buck up... so I don't know.  I'm also getting scared, just a tiny bit, which I suppose comes from being a mom this time.  I've never gone into surgery being a mom before... I'm not crazy about the idea.  Or maybe it's just my generalized anxiety finding a new outlet...

At any rate... my surgery is Wednesday morning.  And if you have any suggestions about things I can do to prepare myself I'd love to hear them!

Good and evil?

For awhile I've been wondering about good and evil.  I'm not sure I believe in the evil.  I understand that people do try to hurt other people... but from my perspective they're reacting from a place of pain.  Some kind of social interaction goes badly, there are hurt feelings, and people often say or do things just to hurt someone else.  That's not evil.  That's human nature (at least, it is for my 5-year-old).  Most are never taught how to manage their emotions (anger is often taboo and rarely are people taught how to process anger without lashing out).  People act from hurt place... often without thinking... and it gets perpetuated by a string of people who don't have the coping skills.  But I don't think I've ever met anyone or felt any spirits that were just evil.  Maybe I'm just lucky.

 
Or maybe, we have a hand in creating what we believe in.  Maybe we can only see what we believe it's possible to see... thus creating our own reality.  So, someone else wants to see something "bad" as outside of them... so they call it an evil being... and I want to believe that people are basically good... so I attribute it as processing (badly) some kind of hurt.  But then, I suppose, the question still stands... is there such a thing as evil?

Maybe we get into "good" and "bad" because our brains like the easy dichotomy.  My experience is that people really don't like grey areas... where there can be paradox or a scale of responses.  They want to categorize so that they can take short cuts and not think it out.  Isn't that how stereotypes work?  And the result of the shortcuts is that things get unfairly categorized... one aspect of a situation defines the whole (like the color of the skin determines a "good" or "bad" person)... and the underlying truth that we're all people is removed from consideration once categorized.

So I'm acknowledging that it's my conscious preference not to have "evil" wandering around where I cannot control it... where it can strike anytime and without warning... or someone might put an "evil spell" on someone else... that I am going to hold onto my belief that we all carry the potential to inflict pain on others, as well as the potential to be kind, compassionate, and generous with our fellow humans.  I reject the notion that there is an evil entity out there just screwing with people... we do so much of it to each other... do we really need random evilness out there helping us?

And that brings us back to... do, re, mi... ahem... I mean... back to my word for 2011... proportion.  Meaning the "relationship between quantities such that if one varies then another varies in a manner dependent on the first"... such as a single person having varying amounts of asshole and charitable fellow citizen... rather than being entirely one thing or another.