Playing with plants

I took an Herbcraft e-class from Latisha at Herb Mother.  Ever since, I've been meeting plants in my yard and getting to know what they do.  My first meeting was with lemon balm who I now love deeply and dearly...

She nursed me through a cold, and has just been a general blessing.  I know we're friends because the more I take, the bigger and healthier the plant looks!  Of course, it is spring, her favorite time of year. 

I have dried some, and made some into a lemon balm glycerite for my little who often tells me her tummy hurts.  Of course... I gave her the lemon balm glycerite and she made a nasty face!  LOL!  As you can see above, I have also collected and dried nettle (and made a tincture for my allergies) and mugwort.  And I made a rosemary tea mixed with vinegar to clean my counters.

I also found that I have yellow dock in my back yard... which is pretty fabulous... as I occasionally suffer from... ahem... digestive irregularity.  I hear this guy will help... although the more yellow/orange roots that can be harvested in fall are reputed to really carry the medicine, I decided to experiment with a tincture.  For this one I used Everclear as my preservative.  When I went to the liquor store asking for Everclear the guy at the counter asked if I was going to drink or cook with the giant bottle of incredibly strong alcohol.  I told him I was using it as a preservative for a tincture.  He asked what a tincture was.... and by the time I left I was pretty sure he thought I was crazier than if I'd just told him I was going to drink it by myself.

Here are a few of my plant crafts... the mandala was an art assignment from my HerbCraft class...

...and the smudge stick wrapping was inspired by something I saw on Etsy by Sage Goddess.  She makes fantastic looking smudge sticks... and I figured I could do something similar myself.  Yeah.  They weren't quite as easy as they look... although I learned a few important lessons about tying them.  Mine are loose and likely to fall apart as I use them... but they were fun to make.

So fun, actually, that I made one and gave it to a friend!

I'm enjoying my new relationship with the plants in my yard.  It makes my yard feel more personal, and I'm more in tune with it.  Next, I want to dry some plantain... I did make an infusion with oil awhile back... then added some beeswax and peppermint essential oil to make a balm for bug bites.  I have more projects on my list too... so I'll share more when it's done.

Despite feeling quiet lately, I guess I've been busier than I thought!

Dreams

I started keeping a dream journal about a year ago.  I know... should have done it a long time ago... but I'm not much of a writer... and besides... there were a few years there where I woke up so often in the night with my kids that I don't think I ever got to dream.  Anyway... I had a very interesting dream lately and it set off a fire storm of new things.  I guess I knew it was coming after that amazing vision during acupuncture that I shared last time.

I went back to my dream journal and found that over the last year I'd had a bunch of dreams about my inner Wild Woman.  She was always captive and I never knew what to do with her.  I guess the other value of a dream journal lies in actually going back and reading it occasionally.  Then I had my vision at acupuncture and I felt like everything changed.  According to my dream journal... it did.

I started dreaming of symbols of newness... eggs, chickens, new projects, new houses.  and such.  Then... I had an inspiration with respect to my work and my partner and I are off and running with it.  Last night, I dreamed that I moved to a new town, near a big beautiful lake, and I rode a skateboard and wore little 70's-ish tinted glasses.  That had to be my Wild Woman... finding her new home.  Moon Daughter on the path...

Ahhh... home...

Preparations of Spring

Spring... the time of the East... where things begin, form, get set up, and ready to take shape in the summer... the time of the South.  This last month, the transition from winter to spring has been intense for me.  It's as if I spent the winter in hibernation... holding still... waiting... and then... with the tiniest hint of spring in the air everything went wild!  Seriously... everything...

Photo by Phil McGrew in lots of local newspapers from April 12, 2012

The weather here was crazy a few weeks ago.  In coastal California we don't get much thunder and lightning... but one night there was a storm that went on for hours.  I've lived most of my life here... and never seen anything like it.  I heard lots of others say the same thing.

In parallel with the intense weather, it seemed to me that relationships got pretty intense too.  Struggles between and with my family members took on their own drama... which, pushed all of my old buttons... things I've been working on for years.  It brought back some of my old self-talk which was not nice... and for a few days last week I felt like I was going a little loco.  I didn't feel like myself.

And then I started having dreams.  Some were a bit daydreamy when I'd let my mind wander... some were visions during acupuncture... some were dreams at night.  In the end it came down to a massive clearing and shifting of energy for me. 

I met the Bone Woman.

In a daydream during acupuncture she stripped away everything but my bones and skin.  She took me down to my essential nature and cleaned my bones.  Such a strange feeling to be made of only bones and skin.  Then... she filled out from her skeletal form and began to sing.  And as she did she wove plants around me... all manner of plants... around my legs, my body... with extra around the belly and breasts because I am a mother... and up around my head.

This picture of a goddess candle holder is the closest image I can find for being built up by the Bone Woman

Then, she placed a red, heart-shaped rock at my heart.  It was vibrant, strong, and beautiful.  I felt complete again, if a little raw and edgy with my new being.  I'm still getting used to the new deal, it's still easy to cry over things... sometimes not even knowing why, exactly.  I think it's just part of the transition... becoming aware of new reference points... and trusting it to settle in.


I'm still processing... but feeling much more energetic again.  I got sick a few weeks ago... and it's taken a long time to kick the cold/flu... it processed through as did the rest of this stuff.  So the whole upheaval felt like it was not only my whole being (emotion, spirit, physical) and family level AND the environment.  Did you feel it too?

Demeter... the mother

OK, so the Goddess class has moved right along... but I'm lagging behind.  These archetypes are useful for me to ponder... and I think are bringing me full circle... but it's taking time.

Demeter is the mother in this story.  In the beginning... she's doing fine, with a daughter who is delighting in the world... picking flowers... gently and innocently exploring.  When Persephone's abducted (or otherwise disappears), Demeter is thrown into the depths of anguish.

She begins asking around... trying to find out what happened to Persephone.  Eventually, Hecate helps her... and they go to Helios together who tells them that Persephone is with Hades.  Demeter demands her daughter back from the Underworld... but a transformation has already occurred for Persephone... she has embraced her adulthood... become Queen of the Underworld... helping those passing over to find their way.

Demeter can't get Persephone back... can't recreate the old way... as the act is done... the innocence is lost... and Persephone has stepped into her womanhood.  There is no going back... even if Persephone comes back to the Middle World several months a year... it is not the same.

I've had a hard time with this.  As I'm currently parenting an almost 6-year-old and a 7 1/2-year-old... I think about parenting all the time... and I didn't really want to explore Demeter at all.  Now, I can honestly say that I've had about every experience with motherhood that there is.  I had a baby at 18 that I placed for adoption... and I had a miscarriage (or two) when I was finally ready for children and wanted them... so I know a thing or two about the loss of children.  I also know about mothering a Persephone that is young and innocent (I currently have two of them).  The thing I didn't know anything about... was mothering myself.

Now, parenting, truly nurturing myself, this is harder.  But I'm realizing that this is where women's real power comes from.  When we take care of ourselves we are mighty... we can do anything... and we can do it with vision.  Persephone personifies this for us, when she goes from picking flowers one afternoon to becoming the Queen of the Underworld.  While she undergoes a transformation, she keeps true to herself... becoming a helper to those passing over.  She doesn't become someone totally different.

And Demeter has to get over this, but without denying her feelings of grief.  What's done is done... and Demeter has to learn to relate to Persephone as Queen... otherwise she truly loses her daughter forever.  Demeter has a choice to make.  To speak her truth and move on... since things outside her control have changed... or to dwell in the devastation of Persephone changing.  The more Demeter is able to recognize her daughter for the elegant, mature, and caring woman that is emerging, the more Demeter gets to move forward.

So... this week (couple of weeks... actually) has been about gathering up my stuck Persephones in my past... getting Demeter up from her grieving to mother them... and having all of us move forward.  This is hard stuff... taking care of the Self... so much easier to worry about others... and so much less productive!

I'm getting there though... and really understanding how important self-care is.  It allows me to be more myself... to cut through my roles and day-to-day stuff... to really let me know myself.  I'm getting there...

Persephone ponderings...

Looks like I'm seeking again... or my addiction for taking classes has resurfaced since I finished my "healing training".  Anyway, I did SouLodge... and now I'm on to a Goddess e-class (by the fantastic Stephanie Anderson Ladd) on Persephone - Demeter - Hecate.

 The real pull for me was Hecate... as I swear she's been pulling at me for over a year.  I just haven't sat down to get the "facts straight" so-to-speak.

I made some prayer beads for Persephone since I was having a hard time wrapping my mind around her.  The beads tell her story.. at the bottom middle there is the goddess herself... in the garden of innocence... becoming darker... with bone beads interspersed... to the dark flower on the right... her coming of age in the Underworld.  I have never been sure how her story wove into an archetype... first she's abducted... then chooses (by eating the pomegranite) to remain with her husband in the Underworld... it seems to me she holds two archetypes.  In one, she is the innocent maiden... naive... full of fascination with the flowers that she is picking... when life changes.  She undergoes an initiation (in a way) into the Underworld... into a darkness... which she embraces and becomes queen.  She then has vast knowledge of the dark, and uses it to help those in need.

So, in some ways her story, then is about the fall of innocence, and embracing the Self that comes from gaining some inner knowledge.  But she represents both sides of the fall from innocence... as far as I can tell.  Her light aspect, being the maiden picking flowers, full of innocence (and lack of knowledge about how the world works).  She picks flowers as the first major arcana card, the Fool, in a way... and after her abduction by Hades she becomes the Priestess, knowledgeable in the ways of the world, and particularly the underworld.  Yes?

I guess the hard time I have is that she's not a static picture.  She is about transformation.  She balances innocence with wisdom, the maidenhood she spends with her mother and the independence she has as Queen of the Underworld... she is contrast.

I've seen this play out... I've pretty much lived Persephone's story in my own way.  I don't love looking over these old events... but they do keep coming up... and spring has its own correlation to my own story.  Not sure what to make of it... but I think I may have a longer walk with Persephone than just this week in the Goddess e-class.

The quiet path... and hopscotch

Things have been quiet here lately... I know.  I am noticing that my path has moved at high speed though very quietly.  Like a spirit through the forest... or fairy flight... occasionally lingering... and then off again.

Through this season of quiet introspection I've done just that.  Many things have shifted for me as I've spent a lot of time just being aware of my feelings, who I am, what I stand for... and through SouLodge I've received many messages about standing tall in myself.  It seems it will be my action this year.  Standing like a tree after all this quiet movement... discovering the fruits of my inner labours... radiating my presence.  I've already noticed it happening.

It's so esoteric sounding... and yet it's very tangible.  I'm reacting to other people less... I was surprised by myself yesterday when my mom (accidentally... it's a long story) wasn't available for my daughter when she got home from school.  My daughter was scared when she thought no one was home... but luckily I had been working at home.  I was angry... but not reactive.  When my mom got angry back at me I saw it as a patterned response... a defense.  I calmly told her that I was allowed to be angry... my only request of her had been to be available when my daughter came home... and she wasn't.  I saw my childhood... patterns of behavior that I grew up with... I saw clearly why I always felt like the adult in my family... I saw how much I have grown to not throw my energy at her by yelling.  I stood up for my right to be upset... but I did it calmly.

It surprised even me.

I dearly love the person I am becoming... the wise woman that SouLodge reminded me I have inside of me.  I even love my crow's feet around my eyes and my graying hair... the wise woman coming out.

I know I'm talking as if I've arrived... in this moment it feels like it.  But the truth is that it's always a path... and it's a bit more like hopscotch than strolling gracefully down the path to enlightenment.  We go back and forth... skipping different squares... and eventually we become light.

Working...

Lately I've been trying to get my healing practice up and running.  I'm working with a partner, and we're ironing out our own style, a bit different than our mentor (we had the same training).  Just as my practitioner certification exam happened in early January, we had a colleague help us out with an extraordinary case... one in which we had really amazing results.  That has led to lots of local people hearing about us and what we do... and we've been very busy.  It's fantastic, and joyous, and wonderful... and exhausting! 

In my spare time (snort) I've been participating in a really great group of women at SouLodge.  Our first craft project was making a fabulous feather wand that I wanted to share with you...

It's made from some turkey feathers that I found a year or more ago near my mom's house.  I'd kept them for who-knows-what-reason... until the feather wand project came up!  It was extremely easy (mine is very simple... with no embellishments)... and very meaningful.  I meditated on what wild turkey means to me.  Wild turkey (to me... I didn't look up much about more typical understandings of the bird) embodies steadfastness, being dependable, of understated or unacknowledged value, loyal, social, compassionate, living with ease in groups, protective, intelligent, peaceful, grounded, and practical.  It seemed to fit me, and I REALLY like the wand.  I use it to feel mindful about shedding energy that isn't mine, and to consciously bring in the energy I want.

I'm not much for tools these days... I've done a lot more of my work in my spiritual body lately.  I've not been practicing so much with elaborate ritual set-ups and such.  I've done much more in the way of prayer and meditation and mindfulness.  It fits me to work this way... though it's hard when I lose my reference points to remember how far I've come.  Tools feeling old and comfortable sometimes are tangible reminders of how much work has been done... and while the inner workings are the ones that matter... they're hard to track down when you want some evidence!  :)

Not sure where I was going with that... rambling really... so I'll stop there.  How do you feel about your spiritual tools?  Are they old friends, or have you shed them focusing on inner work?