Cold and still...

I imagine it's colder where you live than where I live (coastal California)... but we've had unseasonably cold weather lately.  So, since it's been cold, and I've had a cold, I haven't been out to my "spot" lately to check on what nature has to tell me.  In an effort to muster the necessary willpower to get out there, I decided to buy myself a new notebook to record my "nature reflections".  I finally took it out there yesterday and sat.

I looked around for some time... and nothing caught my eye.  I saw some small birds (juncos for those of you who like birds) at the feeder... but really nothing else.  That's pretty unusual... so after awhile THAT became the thing I noticed.  Nothing was going on...

No leaves were sprouting... no flowers blooming (not a huge surprise... but I do live in California)... no clouds in the sky, no breeze moving things around...

Here there are often things growing in winter because it's our wet season... but what I noticed... was that my barren veggie garden didn't even have weeds in it.

Everything was deep in the stillness of winter... drawn inside... things held close... resting and waiting.  That made sense to me.  I had horrible congestion that I hadn't been able to kick... but I wasn't resting and taking care of myself.  I wasn't being still and resting.  Why not?

So... I wondered... what am I avoiding by not being still?  What would happen if I just rested... if I acknowledged that I was trying to avoid something?  I know now... the sadness I would feel over a lost relationship would surface.  I would have to face having lost a dear friend that I had hoped to know for a long time... to acknowledge that things had shifted and that we were drifting apart.

Sadness... that's what I would feel if I sat still too long.

Funny thing?  I sat down and felt the sadness... acknowledged it... nodded to it.  And the very next day (today)?  I was like 95% better... no congestion... no aches... feeling good... just a little tired.

I do believe in the connections between our emotional states and our health.  In fact, it's generally well documented... stress predisposes you to heart attacks and a bazillion other health problems, a lack of meaningful social connection is associated with depression... so I'm not shocked that I started feeling better as soon as I addressed how I was feeling.  And, I'll agree that it was day 5 of the cold... and a likely time for the old immune system to kick in and oust the invaders... so there's that too.  Just wonder how it chose today... hmmm...

Healing ourselves

One of the things I've been spending a lot of time on lately is my energy balancing class and work. I've recently started an apprenticeship with one of my teachers. Basically, the apprenticeship means that I participate as a co-practitioner with my mentor when he has a client who is willing to share their presenting issues (what they came to heal or address with the energy work), with a student.

The kind of work we do blends the idea of chi/energy/mind with the physical body. The premise is that the perception we have of our experiences can have an effect on our physical lives. But we all know this anyway... overwhelming stress can lead to ulcers, feelings of disconnection from others can often lead to heart problems... these are things we all know... and it turns out that there are many healing modalities that address well-being with this understanding.

I'm starting to understand why this form of energy balancing is working so well for me... and it's because it is about wholeness... about seeing the entire body and the whole self. It's not about taking things away (e.g. take away the feelings, take away my coping mechanisms)... it's about adding to them. Adding feelings of strength, of self-awareness, integrity, connection, and wholeness with no judgment... these are the wonderful things about what I am learning. It also gives me a new perspective in my interactions with others... about the possibilities of where people are coming from, what need they are trying to fill with their actions or words... it's something that helps a lot when I'm dealing with my children.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this... I guess the rambling is just me starting to feel the integration of so many perspectives... so often in this society we seem to have "the right one" attitude... that there is a single blanket answer that fits us all for any question that we might ask. I love most about energy balancing that there are as many answers as there are people!

Healing

I am in my first year of training in an energy balancing and healing art. And right now I'm finding it difficult to reconcile putting an awareness on energetic, emotional, and physical healing, with the fact that EVERYTHING seems to rise to the surface and cause more trouble as I clear more of the "stuff that isn't me".

This is difficult, because part of me really feels like I should be getting better, and I suppose that in some ways I am. I am more true to myself than I've ever been, and yet, physically I'm cycling from one ailment to another, each one driving me more crazy than the last. I SO want to be rid of it... the allergies, the coughing... I've never had such a long allergy "season" in my life. I'm tired.

Now, I don't mean to sound complainy about being sick... there are obviously a million people within 50 miles of me who have it worse. It's the irony of being in a healing space, of focusing on health, of all the things I've done in the last 2 or 3 years moving toward healthier food, a healthier low-chemical household, organic clothing... and now I'm sicker??? I'm losing patience, and not sure where to go from here.

I love my life now, how my spirituality has REALLY fallen into place for me in the last two years, how I've embraced the flow of my life, and that I've happily redefined myself from working professional to stay-at-home-mom. I've fully found what is important to me, and I'm loving my freedom to play in it.

Thus the irony... feeling less well than I had been feeling... although if I'm truly honest with myself it was the abrupt change in my physical health that propelled me into energy balancing. I guess I just thought my body would feel better by now... and I admit to feeling a little sad over the whole thing.

Thanks for letting me rant... if you got this far I truly appreciate it! Do you ever feel this dilemma? About putting your energy in what feels like such a positive place and not feel like you get back what you expected? I suppose the Mother/Father knows what's going on here... I wish they'd share...

Meet at the water...

NotHannah over at Divining Women has started a Meet Us at the Water new moon healing ritual. I participated last month, and felt very empowered by recognizing the ocean and what she's going through right now (the Gulf)... so I did it again this month.


I had grand intentions of heading over the ocean in the dark... but the kids went to bed late, fell asleep even later, and my poor body just did not feel up to it. So, I sat at my little space that I've created in my room, where I can look out the window toward the water, and I tried to figure out what to do. I picked up a shell, pondered putting water in it... but just didn't know what to do.


I ended up just choosing to sit and energetically dialogue with the ocean... I feel very much like her right now. Some parts of me are not terribly healthy, needing attention and assistance, much like the Gulf (not to belittle what's happening out there). But I opted to resonate my healthy parts with the healthy parts of the ocean, for I believe whole-heartedly that we attract the type of energy that we put our attention on. I sent out healthy energy to different parts of the ocean ecosystem, and received back variations on that energy, some strong and robust, some less strong. I did feel that the vibration of health is out there, persistent and calm.

My hands were cupped during the whole meditation, collecting bits and pieces of the images of health that went back and forth between me and the ocean. Eventually I felt that I had many 'bits' of healthy energies built up, and I redirected these thoughts, this energy, to the Gulf... in order to remind that part of the oceans what health feels like. If we can resonate health, then it can be recreated.

Blessed Be.