Some random notes...

I feel silly, in a way, apologizing for being gone for so long... as if you've been waiting for me to reappear. And yet, I am sorry. I've met a few people through this blog, that I really enjoy keeping up with... and though I've been reading blogs, I haven't been keeping up with my own. And it's not for a lack of keeping up with my own spirituality.

I've been going to the meditation hour at the local Vipassana Center. It's been good for me, although, to be completely honest, I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do during that hour. Sometimes, I've actually found, that just sitting there is the best thing. For an hour. Sitting. Quietly. Just being. Doing nothing. It's awesome! :) Maybe that's just because I have two small children... and quiet time is like a precious diamond!

I'm feeling some guilt over letting the pagan holidays pass me by. I didn't even acknowledge Beltane, though it's probably one of my favorite of the holidays. Unfortunately it falls in a horribly busy time of year, and so, the density of writing on my calendar seems to decide whether or not I make the effort. This year I did not.

Since I was raised a Catholic and am good at turning things in on myself, I feel some guilt for not maintaining some kind of dedication to my practice of Paganism. On the other hand, I'm extremely dedicated to the doctrine (inward practice)... though not so much to the holidays (outward practice). Does that mean I'm failing in some way at my spirituality. Sometimes I can let it go, other times I do feel like I'm failing. I guess that's why I didn't show up here for so long... I just wasn't doing my rituals, observing my feasts, and "looking" pagan. I had very little to share as it's all going on inside me... without much ado on my part.

While I feel like things are moving at lightning speed inside of me, I also feel like I have very little control over it. Do any of you feel that way too? That the energy shifts constantly, causing responses in you, but without your direct participation??? I've felt a shift to very calm, hyper-aware of others and their motivations, and watching things spin around me with little emotion about it... and yet, I'm not sure where this is going, or what I'm supposed to be doing. Sigh. I know... I just don't make sense anymore.

Solstice celebration...

I CANNOT believe it's been 10 days since I could last find a few minutes to post. Sick kids... need I say more???

Late at night during the week I managed a few cookies to hand out to friends... these are my favorite, I got the recipe from NotHannah at Divining Women. I added cinnamon to the chocolate dough, just because I never pass up an opportunity for cinnamon! I liked the taste (they're not too sweet, which is refreshing) and I love the swirl of light and dark!


My other tried-and-true favorite. I think I just like decorating them! This year I didn't have enough time to go all out... the kids and I are going to decorate some with friends tomorrow, and they'll be a lot more festive!

The other new thing I did this year was make something my friend is calling "hot chocolate pops". Her blog Kitchen Corners is worth a look if you like cooking. Anyway, these are neat, different, and EASY to make...


Just melt chocolate, decide on toppings, and pour into some kind of little pan (preferably silicone - it makes them easier to pop out). I used a "brownie bites" pan. So, our cookie plate to friends looked something like this:


So, even though we've been busy we sure have been feeling the festive and giving spirit of the holiday season. Hope you are all well also! Oh, and I'll be back to show you some of the toys I've been working on... but I have to do it when my 6-year-old is not looking over my shoulder! :)

Holiday gifts...

Wow, I was just checking in over at Confessions of a Pagan Soccer Mom... and she had some great ideas for gifts for people still on your lists... but I think these garden statues from PhenomeGNOME's Etsy shop are my favorites...

Great ideas for anyone who has a thing for the fey!

Community

I was lucky to be part of a circle yesterday afternoon, of women who are on a similar path. We found ourselves, six of us in all, with time and place and opportunity to form a healing group. So we did. We sat around a table of candles, and for about 20 minutes we poured out all of the things that we want to let go of. Self-deprecation, anger, fear, fat, low self-esteem, sadness, feelings of lack, emptiness... and on and on... we had quite a list. Together we sent this ball of what we wanted to release into the candles for transformation.

Then for the next 20 minutes, we sat together, verbalizing all of the things we do want in our lives. We made a big orb of bright light full of these things... love, acceptance, peace, abundance, self-respect, gratitude, laughter, ability to go with the flow... and once the energy was complete, we each connected to that source of positive energy and drew from it what we needed. We allowed the rest to float into the world, to provide those energies for others that find themselves asking for such a thing.

It was an amazing feeling of community that I am so very grateful for. I often feel lonely in my practice, and although none of us said a single word about spirituality when we were working out how this ritual was going to go... we all came from a place of openness and likeness and it was a very moving experience.

National Women's Self-Appreciation Day

OK, it's not really a recognized holiday... but I found a woman's blog who posted that she thought it would be a fantastic holiday... and I agree. I think a lot of people (not just women) spend a lot of time working for others, doing for others, and thinking about others, and maybe it would be good if we all spent a little more time patting ourselves on the back for the good things that we are and do.

So, here's three things I like about myself...

1) I like that I work very hard to be a good parent

2) I like that I have learned how to cook on my own... I wasn't taught as a child... and I'm pretty good at it!

3) I like that I LOVE to read... it's enriched my life tremendously... and it turned into really liking to tell the kids stories and make them up as I go!

Can I do another? I really like that I plant a garden every year.

What do you like about yourself? Please do tell me!

Celebrations!

The path to the party... thanks to my kids and an artistic friend!


And took you through a magical doorway...


Full of people and objects that brought my heart much happiness...




And the whole thing left me feeling happy and fulfilled. I have the deepest gratitude for all of my friends, they are truly wonderful people, treasures that I've found along the path of my life... absolutely the stuff of beauty! I am very blessed.