Through this season of quiet introspection I've done just that. Many things have shifted for me as I've spent a lot of time just being aware of my feelings, who I am, what I stand for... and through SouLodge I've received many messages about standing tall in myself. It seems it will be my action this year. Standing like a tree after all this quiet movement... discovering the fruits of my inner labours... radiating my presence. I've already noticed it happening.
It's so esoteric sounding... and yet it's very tangible. I'm reacting to other people less... I was surprised by myself yesterday when my mom (accidentally... it's a long story) wasn't available for my daughter when she got home from school. My daughter was scared when she thought no one was home... but luckily I had been working at home. I was angry... but not reactive. When my mom got angry back at me I saw it as a patterned response... a defense. I calmly told her that I was allowed to be angry... my only request of her had been to be available when my daughter came home... and she wasn't. I saw my childhood... patterns of behavior that I grew up with... I saw clearly why I always felt like the adult in my family... I saw how much I have grown to not throw my energy at her by yelling. I stood up for my right to be upset... but I did it calmly.
It surprised even me.
I dearly love the person I am becoming... the wise woman that SouLodge reminded me I have inside of me. I even love my crow's feet around my eyes and my graying hair... the wise woman coming out.
I know I'm talking as if I've arrived... in this moment it feels like it. But the truth is that it's always a path... and it's a bit more like hopscotch than strolling gracefully down the path to enlightenment. We go back and forth... skipping different squares... and eventually we become light.
this is beautiful Lisa
ReplyDeletei am visiting you from SouLodge...one of your sisters around the fire
it is an amazing thing to watch yourself grow
to notice family patterns
and then choice something different
this is indeed something to celebrate and dance about
you are so right, we never arrive, but in those moments when Clarity stands beside you it is good to acknowledge and marinate in such times...they make us stronger
beautiful post
it made me smile and my heart warm
Love and Light
wonderful to hear that you are finding yourself and even more the one you are finding is so to your liking.... It is a good thing when one accepts and embraces who and what they can be... I hope your continued journey is as uplifting and energizing as it has been thus far.... Enjoyed your story... made me smile inside and out
ReplyDeleteAh....yes....what a wonderful place to find yourself. SouLodge has been such a blessing to me too....such growth and awareness. I like that you compare our path as hopscotch and not a graceful stroll....that is SO important to remember when you feel that you have fallen off your path....maybe we haven't actually fallen....we are just hopping from one piece of light and strength to another. I'm going to remember that.....hopscotch.
ReplyDeleteI love that you were able to stand tall and not react with anger. I struggle with this so much. Inspirational Jill!
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