Things have been quiet here lately... I know. I am noticing that my path has moved at high speed though very quietly. Like a spirit through the forest... or fairy flight... occasionally lingering... and then off again.
Through this season of quiet introspection I've done just that. Many things have shifted for me as I've spent a lot of time just being aware of my feelings, who I am, what I stand for... and through SouLodge I've received many messages about standing tall in myself. It seems it will be my action this year. Standing like a tree after all this quiet movement... discovering the fruits of my inner labours... radiating my presence. I've already noticed it happening.
It's so esoteric sounding... and yet it's very tangible. I'm reacting to other people less... I was surprised by myself yesterday when my mom (accidentally... it's a long story) wasn't available for my daughter when she got home from school. My daughter was scared when she thought no one was home... but luckily I had been working at home. I was angry... but not reactive. When my mom got angry back at me I saw it as a patterned response... a defense. I calmly told her that I was allowed to be angry... my only request of her had been to be available when my daughter came home... and she wasn't. I saw my childhood... patterns of behavior that I grew up with... I saw clearly why I always felt like the adult in my family... I saw how much I have grown to not throw my energy at her by yelling. I stood up for my right to be upset... but I did it calmly.
It surprised even me.
I dearly love the person I am becoming... the wise woman that SouLodge reminded me I have inside of me. I even love my crow's feet around my eyes and my graying hair... the wise woman coming out.
I know I'm talking as if I've arrived... in this moment it feels like it. But the truth is that it's always a path... and it's a bit more like hopscotch than strolling gracefully down the path to enlightenment. We go back and forth... skipping different squares... and eventually we become light.