I am in my first year of training in an energy balancing and healing art. And right now I'm finding it difficult to reconcile putting an awareness on energetic, emotional, and physical healing, with the fact that EVERYTHING seems to rise to the surface and cause more trouble as I clear more of the "stuff that isn't me".
This is difficult, because part of me really feels like I should be getting better, and I suppose that in some ways I am. I am more true to myself than I've ever been, and yet, physically I'm cycling from one ailment to another, each one driving me more crazy than the last. I SO want to be rid of it... the allergies, the coughing... I've never had such a long allergy "season" in my life. I'm tired.
Now, I don't mean to sound complainy about being sick... there are obviously a million people within 50 miles of me who have it worse. It's the irony of being in a healing space, of focusing on health, of all the things I've done in the last 2 or 3 years moving toward healthier food, a healthier low-chemical household, organic clothing... and now I'm sicker??? I'm losing patience, and not sure where to go from here.
I love my life now, how my spirituality has REALLY fallen into place for me in the last two years, how I've embraced the flow of my life, and that I've happily redefined myself from working professional to stay-at-home-mom. I've fully found what is important to me, and I'm loving my freedom to play in it.
Thus the irony... feeling less well than I had been feeling... although if I'm truly honest with myself it was the abrupt change in my physical health that propelled me into energy balancing. I guess I just thought my body would feel better by now... and I admit to feeling a little sad over the whole thing.
Thanks for letting me rant... if you got this far I truly appreciate it! Do you ever feel this dilemma? About putting your energy in what feels like such a positive place and not feel like you get back what you expected? I suppose the Mother/Father knows what's going on here... I wish they'd share...